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Privacy policy

Last Updated: May 1, 2018

Whoa, what’s this?

Hi. You’ve found Ueno’s privacy policy.

Really? Really? Wait, why is there an echo in here? Wait, why is there an echo in here?

Hold on. Hold on. There, that’s better.

So, why is Ueno interested in privacy?

Well, because we take your privacy seriously. And we’re not just saying that.

And?

And, well, because we’re legally required to have a privacy policy. But still. We do care.

So I have to read this?

Yes, please. Because we really want you to know what we’re doing about your privacy. Also, because we paid our lawyers a lot for this, and we’d like to get our money’s worth.

Do I have to read it out loud?

No, you don’t have to read it out loud. But if you’d prefer to (say, in the bantering voices of Conan O’Brien and Andy Richter) that’s entirely up to you. You can also read it to yourself while moving your lips. We don’t judge.

Will this privacy policy ever change?

All things change. Change is good. Just look in the mirror.

Will you tell me if you change this privacy policy?

If we do something small, like fix a speling mistake, we won’t do anything. If we do something important, like become really evil, we’ll put a notice on this website, telling you all about it. That way you can see what changes we made and decide if you still like us.

What if I don’t like the changes?

You will.

But what if I don’t?

If you don’t, we must part ways. Our house, our rules.

What if I do like the changes, do I have to tell you?

Nah. We love getting email, but you’ve got better things to do. (Water your plants, maybe?) If you go on using our sites after we publish the notice, it means you’re okay with the policy changes. No need to tell us, just keep on truckin’.

Keep on truckin’? What is this, Smokey and the Bandit?

Sorry.

Ok, what happens now?

Here below, we (“Ueno”) will explain to you (“you”) how we (“Ueno”) treat the personal information (“Personal Information”) we collect from visitors (“Visitors”).

What is “Personal Information”? Who is a “Visitor”? What’s with the quotation marks? And why do you suddenly sound like a lawyer?

Glad you asked. A “Visitor” is someone who visits our site. Like you. “Personal Information” is information about you that is personally identifiable, such as your name, address, email address, or phone number, and information that is not otherwise publicly available.

I smell sulfur. Do you smell sulfur?

Don’t worry about it.

How we use and protect what we collect

OK, this is fun. I wish I’d read this privacy policy before.

We know, right?

What do you do with the information you collect?

In general, we use the personal information we collect for four things:

  • To improve our service,
  • to respond to inquiries,
  • to send newsletters to people who want them (nudge, nudge), and
  • to customize our user’s experience of our sites.

What specifically don’t you do with the Personal Information you collect?

Excellent question. We don’t rent, sell, or share the personal information we collect with other people or non-affiliated companies, except:

  • If disclosure is reasonably necessary to investigate, or prevent, illegal action,
  • If disclosure is necessary to respond to subpoenas, court orders, to establish or exercise our legal rights or defend against legal claims, or to enforce the Ueno Terms of Service (if any),
  • If you specifically request we share the Personal Information you have provided, or
  • If Ueno merges or is acquired by another company.

When reasonable, we will make reasonable efforts to notify of such disclosure before it happens.

Wow, did that just get super lawyery at the end?

Yeah, that happens sometimes.

My parents always wanted me to be a lawyer.

If you’re still reading this you would probably have made a good one, frankly.

Thanks. I think.

It’s never too late.

Now that you’ve got all this information, how do you protect it?

We protect your information by requiring the employees who have access to the personal information to treat it as confidential. They will never share it with anyone or use it for a purpose we have not authorized.

One more thing.

Yes, dear?

What if I'm not in the United States?

It's a big world. Enjoy it.

No, I mean does it make a difference?

Ah, we see what you mean. Our servers are in the United States, so if you're visiting the Ueno site from outside of the United States, you're sending Personal Information to the United States, with all that entails. That information, including Personal Information, may be transmitted within the United States or to other countries outside your country of residence. These countries may not have privacy and data protection laws as comprehensive as those in your country of residence. Your Personal Information, however, will at all times remain governed by this Privacy Policy.

What we collect and when we collect it.

So, what information do you collect about me?

We know everything.

What?

Just kidding.

Phew.

Basically we know and store two types of things: First, there’s the stuff you send us using the contact forms on our sites (your name, your email address, and whatever else you choose). Then there are the things your computer and browser tell us (your IP address, software and hardware attributes, the pages you request, and information from our cookie).

A cookie? I’d love a cookie.

Not so fast. A cookie is a small piece of data sent from a website and stored on the user's computer by the user's web browser while the user is browsing, to identify that browser during interaction on websites. Cookies may be used to store things like identifiers and user preferences. A website may set a cookie to the browser if the browser's preferences allow it. If you don’t want Ueno to use cookies you may change your browser settings to prevent receiving them.

Hey, are you okay?

Yes, don't worry. This is just how lawyers talk.

Ok, great. So, what does Ueno use cookies for?

We may use cookies to keep track of whatever preferences you’ve told us about. We may also use them to deliver ads to you. Plus we eat them, sometimes.

Anything else I should know about?

Yes, we use a little something we like to call “Google Analytics” to help us understand what people are doing on our website, and to make everything better. The Google Analytics privacy policy can be found at Google Privacy & Terms, and — abracadabra, hocus-pocus — is hereby made a part of this privacy policy.

Amazing.

You’re welcome.

Your rights regarding your personal information

So, what are my rights here?

You have the right to see the personal information you’ve provided to us, and to request we delete it from our database within a reasonable time.

I live in California. Does that make me special?

Why yes, of course. According to California law, residents may request a list of what Personal Information, if any, we have disclosed to third parties for direct marketing purposes in the preceding calendar year, and the names and addresses of those third parties. If you do, we will provide you with that list. Requests may be made only once a year.

Is Ueno safe for kids?

Generally, yes. But in case you were asking because of the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA), we want you to know that our websites are not intended for children under the age of 13, and we do not collect, use or disclose personal information from children.

I was indeed asking because of that.

We thought so. Anything else?

What do I do if I have any questions or concerns about this privacy policy?

Why? What’s wrong with it?

Don’t be so defensive.

What do you mean?

Come on, I don’t mean anything.

Ok, so why would you bring that up?

Just, you know, in case I see something that could be improved, or something. Or if I have more questions.

Okay sure. If you want to talk to us about this privacy policy, please email us at hi@ueno.co. That should work.

THE END